The Children Are Our Future, But They're All At Gamestop

On the way home from work Monday evening I decided to pop into my local Gamestop. I had a reserve on the Assassin's Creed: Revelations I'd been meaning to cancel, and this seemed like as good a time as any. As I approached the store I saw this kid:

Pictured: A boy who has not and will not know 

the touch of a woman for many, many years.

Monday night was in fact the release of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3. This was an especially fantastic coincidence considering I absolutely despise the series itself almost as much as my hatred for its fans. CoD "gamers" are the reason I mute my headset on Xbox Live, and reason this was the last place I needed to be at this moment.

Now beyond the game itself, there is nothing wrong with attending a midnight release. I've been to many in the past, as recent as the Batman: Arkham City and Battlefield 3 releases. They can be exhausting but the trick is to show up shortly before midnight, game already reserved. On the other hand some people found the need to start waiting in line for CoD: MW3 at 6:30pm. By the time I left the store, this folding chair equipped idiot had a solid  five and a half hour wait ahead of him, just to buy the game. A game which will obviously be completely sold out during the next few weeks. Yeah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt.

A man can dream.

(courtesy ugo.com)

If this kid wanted to actually play the game sooner, he could have gone home and turned on his Xbox 360. All he would have to do is pop in his Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 disc, start up some multiplayer and yell horrible slurs at "noobs". It's the same experience for him, and $60 cheaper. 

Side note to anyone who bought Call of Duty Elite or upgraded to the Hardened Edition just for the Elite: you are among the dumbest people on the planet. You have no idea how many map packs are guaranteed for delivery. And the bonus features for the upgrade to the Elite account? You tell me. I saw the word "premium" three different times but I have no idea what that means. Apparently it's like Facebook for CoD with more videos or something. Kind of like this.

Dumb.